Asramawasika Parwa 5

Mahabharata 15.5

 

Asramawasika Parwa 5

 

  1 [धृ]
     विदितं भवताम एतद यथावृत्तः कुरु कषयः
     ममापराधात तत सर्वम इति जञेयं तु कौरवाः
 2 यॊ ऽहं दुष्टमतिं मूढं जञातीनां भयवर्धनम
     दुर्यॊधनं कौरवाणाम आधिपत्ये ऽभयषेचयम
 3 यच चाहं वासुदेवस्य वाक्यं नाश्रौषम अर्थवत
     वध्यतां साध्व अयं पापः सामात्य इति दुर्मतिः
 4 पुत्रस्नेहाभिभूतश च हितमुक्तॊ मनीषिभिः
     विदुरेणाथ भीष्मेण दरॊणेन च कृपेण च
 5 पदे पदे भगवता वयासेन च महात्मना
     संजयेनाथ गान्धार्या तद इदं तप्यते ऽदय माम
 6 यच चाहं पाण्डुपुत्रेण गुणवत्सु महात्मसु
     न दत्तवाञ शरियं दीप्तां पितृपैतामहीम इमाम
 7 विनाशं पश्यमानॊ हि सर्वराज्ञां गदाग्रजः
     एतच छरेयः स परमम अमन्यत जनार्दनः
 8 सॊ ऽहम एतान्य अलीकानि निवृत्तान्य आत्मनः सदा
     हृदये शल्य भूतानि धारयामि सहस्रशः
 9 विशेषतस तु दह्यामि वर्षं पञ्चदशं हि वै
     अस्य पापस्य शुद्ध्य अर्थं नियतॊ ऽसमि सुदुर्मतिः
 10 चतुर्थे नियते काले कदा चिद अपि चाष्टमे
    तृष्णा विनयनं भुञ्जे गान्धारी वेद तन मम
 11 करॊत्य आहारम इति मां सर्वः परिजनः सदा
    युधिष्ठिर भयाद वेत्ति भृशं तप्यति पाण्डवः
 12 भूमौ शये जप्यपरॊ दर्भेष्व अजिन संवृतः
    नियमव्यपदेशेन गान्धारी च यशस्विनी
 13 हतं पुत्रशतं शूरं संग्रामेष्व अपलायिनम
    नानुतप्यामि तच चाहं कषत्रधर्मं हि तं विदुः
    इत्य उक्त्वा धर्मराजानम अभ्यभाषत कौरवः
 14 भद्रं ते यादवी मातर वाक्यं चेदं निबॊध मे
    सुखम अस्म्य उषितः पुत्र तवया सुपरिपालितः
 15 महादानानि दत्तानि शराद्धानि च पुनः पुनः
    परकृष्टं मे वयः पुत्र पुण्यं चीर्णं यथाबलम
    गान्धारी हतपुत्रेयं धैर्येणॊदीक्षते च माम
 16 दरौपद्या हय अपकर्तारस तव चैश्वर्यहारिणः
    समतीता नृशंसास ते धर्मेण निहता युधि
 17 न तेषु परतिकर्तव्यं पश्यामि कुरुनन्दन
    सर्वे शस्त्रजिताँल लॊकान गतास ते ऽभिमुखं हताः
 18 आत्मनस तु हितं मुख्यं परतिकर्तव्यम अद्य मे
    गान्धार्याश चैव राजेन्द्र तदनुज्ञातुम अर्हसि
 19 तवं हि धर्मभृतां शरेष्ठः सततं धर्मवत्सलः
    राजा गुरुः पराणभृतां तस्माद एतद बरवीम्य अहम
 20 अनुज्ञातस तवया वीर संश्रयेयं वनान्य अहम
    चीरवल्कल भृद राजन गान्धार्या सहितॊ ऽनया
    तवाशिषः परयुञ्जानॊ भविष्यामि वनेचरः
 21 उचितं नः कुले तात सर्वेषां भरतर्षभ
    पुत्रेष्व ऐश्वर्यम आधाय वयसॊ ऽनते वनं नृप
 22 तत्राहं वायुभक्षॊ वा निराहारॊ ऽपि वा वसन
    पत्न्या सहानया वीर चरिष्यामि तपः परम
 23 तवं चापि फलभाक तात तपसः पार्थिवॊ हय असि
    फलभाजॊ हि राजानः कल्याणस्येतरस्य वा

 1 [dhṛ]
     viditaṃ bhavatām etad yathāvṛttaḥ kuru kṣayaḥ
     mamāparādhāt tat sarvam iti jñeyaṃ tu kauravāḥ
 2 yo 'haṃ duṣṭamatiṃ mūḍhaṃ jñātīnāṃ bhayavardhanam
     duryodhanaṃ kauravāṇām ādhipatye 'bhyaṣecayam
 3 yac cāhaṃ vāsudevasya vākyaṃ nāśrauṣam arthavat
     vadhyatāṃ sādhv ayaṃ pāpaḥ sāmātya iti durmatiḥ
 4 putrasnehābhibhūtaś ca hitamukto manīṣibhiḥ
     vidureṇātha bhīṣmeṇa droṇena ca kṛpeṇa ca
 5 pade pade bhagavatā vyāsena ca mahātmanā
     saṃjayenātha gāndhāryā tad idaṃ tapyate 'dya mām
 6 yac cāhaṃ pāṇḍuputreṇa guṇavatsu mahātmasu
     na dattavāñ śriyaṃ dīptāṃ pitṛpaitāmahīm imām
 7 vināśaṃ paśyamāno hi sarvarājñāṃ gadāgrajaḥ
     etac chreyaḥ sa paramam amanyata janārdanaḥ
 8 so 'ham etāny alīkāni nivṛttāny ātmanaḥ sadā
     hṛdaye śalya bhūtāni dhārayāmi sahasraśaḥ
 9 viśeṣatas tu dahyāmi varṣaṃ pañcadaśaṃ hi vai
     asya pāpasya śuddhy arthaṃ niyato 'smi sudurmatiḥ
 10 caturthe niyate kāle kadā cid api cāṣṭame
    tṛṣṇā vinayanaṃ bhuñje gāndhārī veda tan mama
 11 karoty āhāram iti māṃ sarvaḥ parijanaḥ sadā
    yudhiṣṭhira bhayād vetti bhṛśaṃ tapyati pāṇḍavaḥ
 12 bhūmau śaye japyaparo darbheṣv ajina saṃvṛtaḥ
    niyamavyapadeśena gāndhārī ca yaśasvinī
 13 hataṃ putraśataṃ śūraṃ saṃgrāmeṣv apalāyinam
    nānutapyāmi tac cāhaṃ kṣatradharmaṃ hi taṃ viduḥ
    ity uktvā dharmarājānam abhyabhāṣata kauravaḥ
 14 bhadraṃ te yādavī mātar vākyaṃ cedaṃ nibodha me
    sukham asmy uṣitaḥ putra tvayā suparipālitaḥ
 15 mahādānāni dattāni śrāddhāni ca punaḥ punaḥ
    prakṛṣṭaṃ me vayaḥ putra puṇyaṃ cīrṇaṃ yathābalam
    gāndhārī hataputreyaṃ dhairyeṇodīkṣate ca mām
 16 draupadyā hy apakartāras tava caiśvaryahāriṇaḥ
    samatītā nṛśaṃsās te dharmeṇa nihatā yudhi
 17 na teṣu pratikartavyaṃ paśyāmi kurunandana
    sarve śastrajitāṁl lokān gatās te 'bhimukhaṃ hatāḥ
 18 ātmanas tu hitaṃ mukhyaṃ pratikartavyam adya me
    gāndhāryāś caiva rājendra tadanujñātum arhasi
 19 tvaṃ hi dharmabhṛtāṃ śreṣṭhaḥ satataṃ dharmavatsalaḥ
    rājā guruḥ prāṇabhṛtāṃ tasmād etad bravīmy aham
 20 anujñātas tvayā vīra saṃśrayeyaṃ vanāny aham
    cīravalkala bhṛd rājan gāndhāryā sahito 'nayā
    tavāśiṣaḥ prayuñjāno bhaviṣyāmi vanecaraḥ
 21 ucitaṃ naḥ kule tāta sarveṣāṃ bharatarṣabha
    putreṣv aiśvaryam ādhāya vayaso 'nte vanaṃ nṛpa
 22 tatrāhaṃ vāyubhakṣo vā nirāhāro 'pi vā vasan
    patnyā sahānayā vīra cariṣyāmi tapaḥ param
 23 tvaṃ cāpi phalabhāk tāta tapasaḥ pārthivo hy asi
    phalabhājo hi rājānaḥ kalyāṇasyetarasya vā

Dhritarashtra said, 'How the destruction of the Kurus has happened is well known to you. All that was brought about by my fault though the Kauravas approved of all my counsels. Fool that I was, I installed the wicked minded Duryodhana, that enhancer of the terrors of kinsmen, to rule over the Kurus. Vasudeva had said unto me, 'Let this sinful wretch of wicked understanding be killed along with all his friends and counsellors.' I did not listen to those words of grave import. All wisemen gave me the same beneficial advice. Vidura, and Bhishma, and Drona, and Kripa, said the same thing. The holy and high-souled Vyasa repeatedly said the same, as also Sanjaya and Gandhari. Overwhelmed, however, by filial affection, I could not follow that advice. Bitter repentance is now my lot for my neglect. I also repent for not having bestowed that blazing prosperity, derived from sires and grand sires, on the high-souled Pandavas possessed of every accomplishment. The eldest brother of Gada foresaw the destruction of all the kings; Janarddana, however, regarded that destruction as highly beneficial. So many Anikas of troops, belonging tome, have been destroyed. Alas, my heart is pierced with thousands of darts in consequence of all these results. Of wicked understanding as I am, now after the lapse of five and ten years, I am seeking to expiate my sins. Now at the fourth division of the day or sometimes at the eighth division, with the regularity of a vow, I eat a little food for simply conquering my thirst. Gandhari knows this. All my attendants are under the impression that I eat as usual. Through fear of Yudhishthira alone I concealed my acts, for if the eldest son of Pandu came to know of my vow, he would feel great pain. Clad in deer-skin, I lie down on the Earth, spreading a small quantity of Kusa grass, and pass the time in silent recitations. Gandhari of great fame passes her time in the observance of similar vows. Even thus do we both behave, we that have lost a century of gong none of whom even retreated from battle. I do not, however, grieve for those children of mine. They have all died in the observance of Kshatriya duties.' Having said these words, the old king then addressed Yudhishthira in particular and said, 'Blessed be thou, O son of the princess of Yadu's race. Listen now to what I say. Cherished by thee, O son, I have lived these years very happily. I have (with thy help) made large gifts and performed Sraddhas repeatedly. I have, O son, to the best of my power, achieved merit largely. This Gandhari, though destitute of sons, has lived with great fortitude, looking all the while at me. They whom inflicted great wrongs on Draupadi and robbed thee of thy affluence,--those cruel wights--have all left the world, slain in battle agreeably to the practice of their order.

I have nothing to do for them, O delighter of the Kurus. Stain with their faces towards battle, they have attained to those regions which are for wielders of weapons. I should now accomplish what is beneficial and meritorious for me as also for Gandhari. It behoveth thee, O great king, to grant me permission. Thou art the foremost of all righteous persons. Thou art always devoted to righteousness. The king is the preceptor of all creatures. It is for this that I say so. With thy permission, O hero, I shall retire into the woods, clad in rags and barks. O king, alone with this Gandhari, I shall live in the woods, always blessing thee. It is meet, O son, for the members of our race, to make over sovereignty, when old age comes, to children and lead the forest mode of life. Subsisting there on air alone, or abstaining from all food, I shall, with this wife of mine, O hero, practise severe austerities. Thou shalt be a sharer of these penances, O son, for thou art the king. Kings are sharers of both auspicious and inauspicious acts done in their kingdom.'